your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
