Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My vagina is officially offended.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
