Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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