I haven't been this sober since birth.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize