im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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