you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
