I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
