it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize