I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
