apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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