So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
