There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
