hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
