brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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