nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
