I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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