I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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