If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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