he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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