Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize