last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
