She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
