i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
