we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize