The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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