vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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