now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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