Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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