My brain says no but my pants say off.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
