Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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