just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
