I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
