UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
