Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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