i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
