I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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