So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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