oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize