Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
