So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
