Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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