Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
