I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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