Screwed.edu
tell your sister to shave her snatch
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
