I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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