oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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