walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
its liver damage thursday
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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