ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
