he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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