Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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