there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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