I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
