Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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