I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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