dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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