I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
