Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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