Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
