Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Life is so much better after having sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
