these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
