Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
