I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
